Olympic Fever

The city of Vancouver has been invaded!  People from all over Canada and the world have descended upon the city to see the Olympics and be a part of the excitement.  I haven't been all that tuned in to the excitement.  I'm not that much of a sports fan (other than occasional basketball games or figure skating) and I have an aversion to the NHL from a long ago over exposure from three older brothers and a hockey coach father. 

However, last Friday night I decided that we should at least watch the opening ceremonies for a while to see what they had put together.  My attention was captured right away.  I sat mesmerized by the spectacular special effects and sense of pride in who we are and what we are all about.  The inclusion of the First Nations as hosts and their dancing held me spellbound and as the athletes marched in I cheered along with the crowd as Team Canada appeared. 

For once, it wasn't about the politicians or the flashy celebrities and their glitz.  It was about us, everyday Canadians, that live and work and participate in our communities.  It wasn't about impressing anyone, it was about sharing our story with the world - and we did it with pride.

Not once did I hear any of the same old hooey about our identity crisis.  No, Canadians know exactly who we are and we are not ashamed to be ourselves - nice, polite, welcoming, diverse, complicated, multi focussed, bilingual... and proud to be Canadian.

Since Friday I've been tuning into the various sports events and right now, as I write this, I'm actually watching women's hockey.  You know, the women are great hockey players and I'm really enjoying the lack of brutality that often accompanies men's professional hockey.  For once its about the sport and skating and skill with the stick and puck.  I can get into that.

Me watching hockey?  Oh, that's too funny!

Tonight, more figure skating... tomorrow... skiing...

Wednesday we're planning a trip downtown into the chaos!  Robson square, skating, Vancouver Art Museum.  I'm looking forward to it.

Enjoy the Olympic Games everyone!

grace... kathie

We'll Meet Again....

This past week my Aunt Norah, 93yrs old,  went to be with her Lord ... and my mom.  She was the last surviving child of James and Norah Harman and came to Canada in 1926 with her father, step-mother and younger sister, Annie (my mom).  Just six weeks later her father died and they had several difficult years ahead.  Left behind in England was older sisters Lily, Carrie and Mary and older brother James.

Next to my mom, I loved my Auntie Norah best.  I think it's because we were kindred spirits.  I loved her spunky behaviour and when she laughed the room lit up. Her and my mom were a pair!  She became a Christian in the 1970's and from that time forward she was always on about God.  Being young, I thought she was going a bit off the deep end, but as my own relationship with God deepened, I realized that she really just had a great friend in Jesus and wanted that same joy for me.  As a result she had a great influence on my spiritual development. 

We always used to enjoy taking the children to visit Aunt Norah and Uncle Frank, and they always put on a nice little lunch for us and we always spent the time having great conversations, filling each other in on the latest news.  They were always such great times.  I remember when Ed and I were getting ready to become officers in TSA, she was so encouraging to us. Her and my Uncle Frank would pray for us and tell us how proud they were of us. I'll never forget them cheering us on as we marched down the aisle at Massey Hall in Toronto at our commissioning in 1992.  I know she was so proud of me.  It gave me such happiness to see her and my mother like that.

I'm so glad I took the opportunity to see her in October when I was back in Ontario for my mother's funeral.  We had a lovely visit at the nursing home and even though she was much more fragile than I'd ever seen her, she knew who we were and even knew who the youngest boys were.  I'm so glad I took Nathan & Evan to meet their great aunt and have a chance to talk to her and get a sense of who she was. 

When it was time to say goodbye, I knew I would likely never see her again.  We hugged, we kissed and was said "so long..."  and we sang, "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when...."  But we both knew, we knew for sure.... we'll meet one day in Heaven and we'll all sit down together and have a great cuppa and a gab together and catch up on the latest news....

I miss her.  I miss them both.  My life was so much richer because I had them in my life.

I'll always love you Auntie Norah!

Cheerio!

Kathie

Long, Long, Long Stay... Yay!

Do you know we've been in our current appointment for almost 13 years now?  That's a long time.  Our first two appointments, in spite of seeing great increase in ministry, were short lived.  I suppose that since things took off quickly they wanted us to go somewhere else and see things take off quickly in those places too.  However, both ministries pretty much  died out and the first had to be resurrected again.  The second, Chinese Ministries, never recovered from officer moves and is no longer in existence.

However, our current ministry has grown and evolved into something that will leave a lasting legacy of God's provision in this community.  Not because we're so great, but because we stayed long enough to figure out how to do it here!  We're a bit slow... ;o)

I think I'll have to write about this.

grace... Kathie

A New Year

I don't think I've ever been so glad to see the end of any year before.  We've suffered so many losses, health problems and it just has been one difficult situation after another.

Goodbye, seriously, I really mean - GOODBYE 2009. 

HELLO 2010!

What will you bring to me this year?  More change?  More of the same?  New vistas to explore?  New friends?  Better health?  More weight loss (yes, yes, yes!!!)? Will we move?  Will we stay?

I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus because I just don't know what to think anymore.  Have you ever been like that?  People ask me what I'd like to do, where I'd like to move for our next appointment.  I just don't know.  I really don't have any clue.  Actually, I don't really want to do anything at all. 

I'm so disconnected.  My mind wanders, even when people are speaking to me, sometimes I just don't hear everything they say.  I was at the opening of a new centre in a neighbouring city a while ago and I think I walked away from someone while they were talking to me.  I'm especially disconnected in a crowd.  I used to love crowds, going from one person to the next chatting and laughing.  Now I stand there and feel like I'm not really there.  What a strange feeling.

Someone told me it would be like this.  After the death of someone close - like a mother.  And even though I'm like this, I'm really feeling ok about her loss.  I've let myself remember her often, cry when I need to, talk about her when I want to...

Christmas Eve I laughed at myself and cried at the same time.  Somehow I ended up driving home on my own from the Candlelight Service.  It struck me that I would normally have her beside me on the drive and her and I would say...

"Did you enjoy the service tonight mom?"
"Oh yes, wasn't it a lovely service!"
"Yes, it was, wasn't it.  Didn't the girls sing nice?"
"Oh, they're soooooo beautiful and sign soooooo beautiful!"
"Yes, they do, don't they."

So I had this conversation with myself.  I actually said it out loud!  It made me cry, laugh and it felt good.  It's funny, but these memories hit me now and then. And I'm ok with that.  The tears are coming less and less and the memories are becoming sweeter as the days go by.

That's why I think 2010 is going to be a better year.

I'm ready for a new year.

Take a big breath.

Take a step forward.

Pray like crazy.

grace... Kathie

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

On Thursday, October 8th, 2009, my mother, Annie Rosina Hartley, went to be with her Lord Jesus.  In Salvation Army lingo she was Promoted to Glory.  What a privilege it has been to have my mom with me for 11 years.  When she first came to live with us she was recovering from Breast Cancer surgery and she wasn't up to her usual energy levels.  But she recovered and we spent a few years with her being quite independent.  However, eventually her dementia increased and she had her first stroke a few years ago. We had switched roles. I became the parent.

What a great mother she was. Even though she had a difficult life she made mine wonderful and poured her love into me. I loved her hugs and kisses and everywhere I went until the very end I knew her love was with me.  Whatever I have today, whatever I have become, whatever I have accomplished - it's because of my mother and what she taught me, what she did for me and what she poured into me.  I owe her so much.

My mom was the kind of mom that everyone wants to have.  Friends would often say, "I love your mom!" As a teenager I would usually replay, "Yeah, but you don't have to live with her!" But I knew how special she was even then. She was a Sunday School teacher and was the Jr. Soldier Sargent in her Salvation Army Corps.  She was also a Guider and was a Brown Owl for 13 years.  I can't imagine how many children she ministered to over the years but I know that she was very special to all of them.

 I don't think you're ever really prepared to lose a parent, no matter how long they live. I can't imagine what life will be like without her.  I feel like an orphan. I want her back.

However, I know that she is full of joy with God, living in the room He has prepared for her.  I've read John 14 to many people who have lost loved ones.  I've often thought how empty it must sound when you're filled with grieft.

But I tell you it is a comfort.  I feel better knowing that she's safe and with Jesus, that she's happy and at peace with a whole body and spirit. No more paralysis. No more strokes. No more bed sores. With her voice back I'm sure she's singing away..... "I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air...."

I'll join her one day.  Not too soon, but when I do I know I'll be so happy to be in her arms once again. Mom, Dad, Me and Jesus!

grace... kathie

Overwhelmed

It's so hard sometimes.  Life comes at you a thousand miles per hour and you try to cope with it - just one task at a time, just one day at a time.  But it gets very tiring.  Sometimes you just have to say 'no' and take a break.  This past weekend my husband was away at a Men's Retreat Camp.  I didn't know if I would be prepared to make it through the whole weekend unscathed! Every day the anxiety is kept at bay with carefully laid out plans for the day interspersed with time for doing the things that keep me healthy. 

Like eating six times a day.  Do you have any idea how much time eating takes?  Somehow I resent it even though I know how important it is.  That's because when I don't eat I get shaky and start to get really irritable and depressed.  Gotta keep the blood sugar up!

And sleeping eight hours each night.  Do you know how hard that is?  I wake up at six am buzzing away with a rush of cortisol.  If I don't go to bed on time, I won't get enough sleep and then the anxiety will buzz away all day. 

Like sitting with the CES Machine.  45 minutes every day at least once.  Sigh....

For so long I've avoided spending much time on myself and have been running to take care of the kids, take care of Ed, take care of my mom, save the world.... That takes a lot of time and energy.

Giving myself a pedicure?  No time.

Doing my nails?  No time.

A bubble bath?  No time.

Getting my hair done... WAIT! I refuse to budge on that one! You just have to take care of the roots!

Then there's the organizational side of life.  I don't even like opening my bedroom closet.  God only knows what will fall out and hit me on the head.  Drawers are full.  Put the clothes on top. No room left on the bookshelf?  Pile 'em up on the night table, then on the floor beside the bed.

The only way to cope with this is retirement.  That won't be for at least another 15 years at the rate we're going.  Perhaps I'll win a lottery. Oooops! Don't gamble. Perhaps some obscure relative will die and leave me all his money.  Perhaps... heh, heh... perhaps not!  Well, maybe the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes?  Is that really gambling?

Oh well, I'm just going to have to continue to take it one day at a time. 

God, thank goodness you're here with me.  What in heaven's name would I do without you!? 

I ask you! 

SIGH....sigh....

grace... Kathie

Cherishing Mom

I thought I was prepared. Mom is going to be 89 in November and I thought, in a practical way, she's had a great life, survived breast cancer and already experienced a stroke. However, she's got some health problems and if it's her time and God chooses to take her home, then I'm ready for that. Every year at Christmas I think to myself, "Is this her last year with us?"

But I wasn't ready. I wasn't anywhere near ready.

When she had her stroke on August 28th I wasn't sure what to expect. She seemed to be trying to speak the next day and it looked promising. However, soon an infection set in and her lungs filled up with fluid from her heart not pumping properly. Then she just went to sleep. She wouldn't wake up and when we tried to feed her she just clenched her teeth and slept. So we waited, watched and hoped the antibiotics and other medications would work.

That was when I realized I really wasn't ready.

I prayed for God to either take her quickly or heal her - not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. And I cried. And cried. And then cried some more.

I didn't want my mom to suffer any more. But I also didn't want to lose her.

Then she woke up. And every day she is just that little bit more alert. Her spontaneous words have become spontaneous phrases. She smiles, responds and seems to have been given a kick start. I can't believe how happy I felt. But I also felt a bit selfish.

So now we're waiting to see how much she progresses. That will determine her immediate future. Will she go to the rehab ward and then a nursing home? Or will her heart give up the ghost causing her to deteriorate?

Well, right now she's here. So I'm taking it one day at a time and praising God for every moment I still have her to love. So I'm asking God to help me love her the best that I can. I'm cherishing whatever time I still have to spend with her. Yesterday I fed her lunch and then sang some hymns for her. She closed her eyes and smiled while I sang. She loves music. I've been privileged to take care of my mom in my home for 11 years now. Every day has been a give from God. My children have had their Grandma and she has seen eight of her great-grandchildren every week and they've had a chance to know her love. God is so good.

If you're reading this post, please pray for my mom and pray for me and my family, that God will give us strength, courage and wisdom to deal with this time in our lives and in making decisions for my mom.

grace... Kathie