Under the Magnolia Tree

"Telling your story often and in detail is primal to the grieving process. You must get it out. Grief must be witnessed to be healed." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 I close my eyes and I am there - not here... surrounded by all my children and grandchildren... laughing, happy, having a great time together. It's spring and the Magnolia tree is blooming and it's time for our annual family picture. The chaos that ensues while trying to gather everyone, find the dog, get the boys to stop chasing the other kids.... and get under the tree. Up go the boys into the branches, the girls gather theirs around them and then quick, stand still.... smile, laugh... say stinky socks! Done!  


After they've all gone home, we sit and put up our feet up and sigh a tired sigh... but a satisfied sigh of relief that the chaos is over for now.


How I long for that chaos again. Every day I think about it. I think about being there with them, sitting on the couch knitting while the kids play all around me, the noise so loud I take my hearing aids out!


But I am here. Not there.


I am reminded by the message I gave at the end of January and the word that God gave me...

I have to be willing to give up the life I've planned to receive the life that God has for me.

You can here my message here. The music that Sunday was great, hope you enjoy it.  I'm long winded, as usual... 

http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/sunday-morning-service/id305491702?i=110046138
  
grace.... Kathie

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Maya Angelou


I've been keeping myself busy these days, not allowing too much time for reflection or for the mind to wander. It's just better that way. But on Saturday I was a passenger in a car... a car driving through a very pretty section of south western Ontario. Lost in the beauty of rolling fields and trees laced with sunshine my mind did the unthinkable... it wandered.  For a moment I forgot where I was and why I was there.  Suddenly I was looking for the mountains on the horizon and for a quick second I thought, "Where am I? What am I doing here?" A wave of great sadness washed over and, for just a moment drowned the beauty that surrounded me. I missed my family. I missed my girls and my son. I missed my grandchildren.  I wanted them to be there with me.


I wonder if I'll ever get used to this. I wonder if next year at this time I'll still feel the same way.  Perhaps I will slowly adjust to being in a different place, so far from those I love and long to be with. Perhaps not.  It's not easy to go where God calls you to go. The road is often difficult and takes you places you would never have dared to go. And if you're like me, you'll resist it. And that will make it more difficult.  However, I'm discovering again that if you embrace it and absorb the experience, it will take your breath away.


Breathe on me breath of God... until my heart is pure, until my will is one with Thine, to do and to endure... (Edwin Hatch 1835-1889)


Go ahead, take my breath away.

grace... Kathie

Discombobulated!

I am feeling... so ..... discombobulated.


[dis-kuhm-bob-yuh-leyt]


Verb (used with object), - lat'ed, -lat'ing.
To confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate: The speaker was completely dicombobulated by the hecklers.
Origin:  1825-35, Americanism; fanciful lteration of discompose or discomfort.


Is it September already? What happened? I'll tell you what happened - a storm blew across the country and we were caught up in its path. We were swept into London in a whirlwind of unpacking boxes, getting our bearings, finding where things are, getting new services set up and tears and humidity and learning about our new work which is turning out to be like memorizing an encyclopedia.


Well, let me tell you, for those who haven't been keeping up with my facebook posts, we are now beginning the routine which will help us to settle in our new home and work in London, Ontario.  Our two young boys who came with us on this trip have begun school and both seem to like their school, their respective teachers and have met other kids in their classes - thank you Lord! 


Poor old cuddles, she's discombobulated too. Can find the door, bumps into walls (she's blind as a bat!) and pees on the floor all the time. Gotta watch where you're stepping.  The vet said it will take her six months or more to adjust - we wonder if she'll live that long!


We have yet to find a doctor, dentist, naturopath.... vet and groomers. We haven't got our health card form sent in yet nor do we have licence plates as our Suburban didn't pass the Ontario government's idea of a safe vehicle. That's another huge amount of money.


However, we do have our driver's licence! That's one thing done.
We know where to shop! That's another...
We know where several Tim Horton's are... and that's really important as well as Swiss Chalet!


We're getting there.... slowly!


But we've also been sick... a flu bug going through us.... literally...
S l o w i  n  g    u    s     d    o   w    n!


I had someone say to me they hadn't heard me this confused since I dropped my phone in the toilet! Well, stress and grief will do that to you I suppose.  What can a person do?  Just muddle on, getting through it, getting on with the necessary, taking care of the urgent and attending to the important.


In the meantime, I like my work, I like the staff (we have a wizard who wears funky socks who works for us!) I like London... a bit conservative here, a bit traditional... but friendly.  I think we'll be ok, we just need time to settle in.


So, as for the question in my last post.... We Are Now Here.


I'm thankful for my family & friends who have prayed for us through this whole ordeal.  I know we're being covered by their prayers and I know God is answering them. 


I'm also thankful for Skype and the Internet. 


grace....kathie


ps....let me know what you think of this new look on my blog, I'm trying new things.

/ˌdɪskəmˈbɒbyəˌleɪt/

 

Are we there yet...?

The day that lasted forever is happening right now. Anxious to arrive at our new home in London, we got up early this morning to head out. But a thunderstorm decided to make a dramatic entrance and there were downpours so thick we were soaked through in a minute while we got the trailer hooked up. Quite a change from the cold constant drizzle of the lower mainland we're used to.

Then we got in the road but had to inflate the air shocks (pronounced "shacks" in Illinois.) Then the i90 to the i294 around Chicago. Need I say more? That took forever. Does Chicago ever end?

Then the question- do we take i94 or i196? The gps has been steering us wrong and wanted us to take the i90 right through downtown Chicago so we won't follow that. Then what happened to our Michigan map? Got to buy another one.

Now we're on the last leg of this journey and the signs say Port Huron 110 miles. But there is another lighting and thunderstorm. How long can this day last for? Will it be dark when we try to park the trailer in the driveway? Is the driveway even long enough?

Stay tuned...it's 6:15 pm now, I'll update later.

Later...

So the cable guy figured the driveway was 20 ft long and that gave me something else to fret about. How great I am at that these days. We ran out of American money and didn't have any American cash when we hit the bridge from Port Huron over to Sarnia. No one mentioned it cost money to get out of the states! Crazy! The woman asked how we got into the US - hadn't we come over the bridge? Then we told he we came from BC and that we used up all our cash at the tolls on the highways! Couldn't we pay online like the other toll booth worker told us? She radioed someone and then said we could go through, but only this once, never again! Real stern. We just said thanks and hightailed it out of there!

It was so easy to find our new house. So close to everything. And the driveway was just long enough for our RV. We won't keep it there for long as I think they have rules here about that.

It seemed weird walking into a strange house. It seems very nice but tonight I'm too tired to notice much - except the bed! Gonna have to do something about that!

What was so nice was that my best friend was here to welcome me. She even had dinner ready for us! We haven't lived in the same province for 19 years now. This is another consolation God has blessed me with. If I have to be so far from my kids, at least I have Dora, Linda and so many others here. And my brothers aren't too far either. I'm looking forwarding to connecting with new friends too. I just hope everyone is patient with me and my tears of grief for my family. I miss my children and grandbabies so much...Sigh... Well, sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it!

(Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone...how cool is that!?)

grace....kathie

A Long Day

We've now been on the road for over a week and we are headed for our next and final stop before London. All the stops have been pre-planned except the first one (car broke down) and have turnned out ok, some better than others. If you have to stop in Worthington, Minnesota , be sure to stay at the American Inn right off the I90. Very nice for a quick stop. Not 4 star but reasonable rates and recently completely redone.

However, I didn't plan our next stop very well. We are a bit far from Six Flags and Ed is not sure how that will work. We are also worried about leaving the dog for so long. She did fine the other day when we were gone for 8 hrs sightseeing and she'll likely be fine, but she's lost a bit of weight on this trip. She is an old girl after all, 14 - 98 in doggie years! So we're looking into the possibility of a different campground a bit closer. I'm praying.

We were late yesterday. It was a long drive and seemed to take forever. We stopped a couple of times and bemoaned the consequence of arriving so late. We decided to stop for dinner an hour before our destination and it was a great meal. They had wifi which cheered up the boys - and Ed and I - and so we all caught up on Facebook. When we left to go it was dark out and we were tired. I heaved a sigh and got back into the car. As we drove along we were treated with a lovely sight - fireflies dotting the fields around us as we drove. I've never seen so many of them before! It was fascinating! Then we came across a great mystery. There seemed to be dozens of red flashing lights over the fields. We could not figure them out. Very strange. Finally, there were some close enough to the highway and Nathan realized what they were - windmills! Generating electricity!

Much to our delight, the hotel pool was open to midnight. The boys and Ed went down while I enjoyed some time alone! This morning we leave behind Worthington and we're on our way to the Chicago area. Tomorrow Six Flags. God has been very good to using this trip. We're looking forward to see what other blessings he has for us in the next few weeks!

grace...kathie


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone...how cool is that!?

grace....kathie

Location:Illinois 72,Kirkland,United States

R & R

As I sit and write this post I'm watching the dying embers of our campfire. Crackling sounds fill the night and the voices of the boys getting settled can be heard in the background. It's peaceful. I don't want it to end, but it will. I've learned that all things end eventually. But for now I take in the sights and sounds and hold them as memories to draw on when I need to visit a peaceful place.

We tried to sleep in this morning but it was no good. Perhaps tomorrow, but not too late. We have sight seeing to do! Today was a day of rest. Well, for me it was. Do you call water sliding and swimming and basketball and bike riding rest? That was the day the boys had. They're a little more tanned and water logged but having a good time. Right now they're watching The Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and comparing the laughs they hear to Dad and Derek's. I think they're right.

Tomorrow it's off to Mt. Rushmore, caves and zip-lining - ok, so it's crazy and I may chicken out if it's too high, but we'll see.

Now it's off to la la land. A good rest and now a good sleep.

grace...kathie




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone...how cool is that!?

grace....kathie

I thought it was a long drive to Coeur D'Alene from Arlington, but it couldn't compare to today's drive. Today we drove k800 kms through one mountain after another. I thought that after Billings it would be flat prairie, however, I was wrong. We have to drive down Hwy 90 through Wyoming and the Big Horn Mountains, which will take us to the Black Hills of South Dakota.

So far the scenery has been spectacular! Idaho and Montana are wonderful. The people are very friendly and the service we've received has been great. The beds we've slept in haven't been great and both Ed and I have very sore backs. Avoid the Comfort Inn in Coeur D'Alene. After tonight we are camping for three nights so we'll be in our own beds. Yes!

The boys are doing well for their first long road trip. Their old enough not to be asking "are we there yet?" - well, Nate is! ;-) They've been playing games on their iPods and listening to music, playing cards and sleeping.

Tonight we arrived later than we thought. Silly me, I forgot the time change. We got a quick supper and headed off to the pool and great watersides. The hot tub was just what I needed to relax after a day of sitting cooped up in the car.

The other surprise on this trip
is Cuddles who is 14. We weren't sure how she'd do being so old, blind and deaf! But she is traveling really well. Not eati
much but getting offered. Hopefully shell be just fine.

It's been distracting looking at the scenery but off and on I get very emotional thinking of all the family we've left behind. I don't like this feeling and pray that this melancholy passes.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone...how cool is that!?

grace....kathie

Location:Access Rd,Billings,United States