Leadership

Monday, June 29, 2009

Anxious Thoughts

If ever there was a time in my life that I thought I would be an anxious and fearful person, it has escaped my mind completely. Me? Afraid? The woman who takes on the world for Jesus? Not me.

But here I am, fearful, anxious and generally unhappy with the state of my life. It will come like a thief in the night and steal my calm right out from under me. My chest will become tight, breathing will get shallow and my neck will tense. Then the adrenaline will rush upwards and my lower bowells will feel like they are going to melt... and if I can't stop it I'll begin to feel like I might cry. How did this happen. It is so complicated. It cannot be explained easily.

I knew something was wrong when I couldn't knit. When I can't concentrate on knitting, there must be an investigation. For without knitting, what kind of life would I have? What would I do? How could I cope without the endless stream of creativity that falls gracefully from two clicking needles?

So I am investigating - through the medical doctor, through a natural doctor, with a psychologist. Hopefully, I will find the answer and therein find the way out.

They say I will find the way out. They say I will get better.

With rest.

With calm and peace around me.

With time.

sigh..... I hate that I have to do this. And that is likely the attitude that got me here in the first place. God must have a reason for making me stay still.

If you're reading this, then I hope that you'll pray for me to heal and recover.

grace... Kathie