Just a warning. This is a whiney rant.
So, those of you who know me likely know I has FMS and arthritis. I've had arthritis since I was a teenager but, you know, you don't think about it much when you're young.
This is how it goes...
First, a little twinge in the feet here and there. Arthritis. Surgery. And then I try out for the basketball team with my casts on.
Then, a few years later, no more high heels, which is ok because I'd met Ed and he's a bit shorter than me.
Then a few years later still the aching all over starts. FMS diagnosed and my first depression. But I still keep playing softball.
Other pains and aches, twinges and creaks show up, but you just ignore it. Every time you go to the doctor it's just FMS so, eventually you stop going and telling the doctor about it. Why bother, they just give you more drugs. After five kids, full time work and sometimes overworking to the point of exhaustion and burnout and looking after my mother till she passed away, it's a wonder I'm still going at it.
Well, you can only ignore something for so long and then you find out that darned arthritis is spreading.
I don't think I can take the expression on one more face when I answer them as to why I'm limping, or not eating a certain food, or not going on the hike, or why I'm so tired all the time.
Here's how it goes:
You're limping, how come?
Arthritis and FMS.
Arthritis? At your age?
Oh yeah, I have it in my finger now, it's really annoying. Where do you have it?
My answer usually overwhelms people:
Every bone in my feet and ankles, knees, SI joint and lumbar spine, cervical spine, hands - every joint and knuckle. It's spreading fast these days.
The other person usually doesn't know what to say at that point.
And there's this one...
Would you like cream in your coffee?
How about some cheese cake?
Sorry, I'm allergic to dairy.
How about a muffin?
Sorry, I'm gluten sensitive.
Oh I have gluten free bread.
Sorry, I just don't eat starch.
Or my favourite comments:
Exercise really helps, you should go walking.
What about swimming? "Sorry, I get a rash from the chlorine)
My friend does yoga, it really helps. (Sorry, my feet and hands can't support me with all the bending)
You should lose weight, you will feel better. (No duh)
As if I didn't know that. Did you know the medication they give you has a side effect? Slows down your metabolism and you gain weight. Nerve blockers - same side effect.
And even when a person knows you have arthritis and FMS they say, "Why are you tired? Something going on?"
Sometimes it's just better not to talk about it or even mention it. And I'm sure my family are sick and tired of hearing about it. And even they forget.
"Why are you so irritable today?"
Really? You're asking me that?
Most of the time they're likely sick and tired of listening to me moan and groan.
And now I need a cane. And I think I have a new spot on my spine
How long will it take till I can't move anymore? How long till I can't work anymore? How long till I can't walk anymore?
And all this moving, four times in a row - 2011, 2012, 2013 and now 2014. Is there anyone who thinks that the stress of that isn't affecting my FMS and arthritis? Yeah. Did you know your filter just loosens up after the stress metre reaches a certain number.
I just feel so tired and defeated at times and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!
And it sucks! And I want it to all go away. Now. Sigh....
I'll stop whining now.
Where's my puppy...Tallulah! Come on, I need a cuddle.